Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
