pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
