we're chasing vodka with high fives
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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