After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
