I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
