you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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