I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
