marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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