just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
