wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
His nipple licking is glorious
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