I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
how drunk are you?
Several
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
