I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
