If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
