remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
