I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
