She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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