Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
