I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
