Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
