I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
