If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
