he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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