absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
