I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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