Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
