I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
