she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The beer is more important than you right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
