can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
