I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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