You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
