Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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