I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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