She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
