i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
