You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
