ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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