Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
