i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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