i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
