Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
