One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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