Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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