i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
organizing the empties. That sober.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
