You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just pee around me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
