I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
