I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
