yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
