I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
