how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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