You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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