i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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