hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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